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The Boston Accent •

‘I Named 3 Freakin’ Dogs After You!’ Patriots Fans React To Brady Retirement Snub – The Boston Accent

The GOAT Tom Brady formally announced his retirement from the NFL after 22 seasons and 7 Super Bowl Titles. While there will be plenty of time to celebrate his storied career, New England fans couldn’t help but notice the lack of Patriots love in his retirement announcement. Here’s how some reacted:

“I’ll never wear another pair of Uggs again. I never actually owned a pair but I was getting pretty close buying some.” – Johnny, Braintree

“If this is how he treats us, his loyal fans of 20 years,
The Boston Accent •

Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans – The Boston Accent

In an announcement sure to appease hurting Pats fans everywhere, Bill Belichick told reporters today that next season, the team will “most likely” bring back cheating to avoid another heartbreak season.

“Suffering through a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills can have a devastating impact on the mental and physical health of our fan base,” Belichick said. “You know me, I’m an emotional guy—I just can’t stand to see the disappointment in their eyes.”

Some within the organization have told us the te
JumpKick •

Let's Buy Out Gronk's Contract and Release Him Back Into the Wild Where He Belongs

Let’s buy out Rob Gronkowski’s contract with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and release him back into the wild where majestic beasts of his ilk belong. Gronk should not be confined by an NFL contract; he should be free to run through open fields instead of 100 yards at a time, or worse, forced out of bounds short of the first down marker. The NFL is not a place for an endangered species like Gronk, who has to live in constant fear of headhunting safeties.

I dream of releasing Gronk back into his nati
The Boston Accent •

Mass. Residents Push State Reps To Ban Patriots Losses On Same Weekend As Snow Storm – The Boston Accent

FOXBORO, MA — Fed up residents across Massachusetts are hoping a tough weekend for both weather and the Patriots will help spark change in the Bay State. The “Snowbody Wins” bill, bill proposed Sunday night, could ban Patriots losses on the same weekend there’s a snowstorm.

We spoke to William Fitzgerald of Taunton, who told our reporters he supports the bill. “I’ve lived here my whole life so I don’t mind having to shovel my driveway on occasion. But I shouldn’t have to then go watch Jalen Mil
The Boston Accent •

Santa Reminds Mass Residents That “Less Traffic On 95” Is Not A Realistic Gift – The Boston Accent

BRAINTREE, MA — We caught up with the big man himself, Santa Claus, who gave us a rundown of the most popular gift requests in the Bay State. Near the top of the list were expected requests, like Playstation 5’s, iPhone 13’s, and a real point guard for the Celtics. But what topped that list this year? Something Father Christmas sadly wants to remind residents he can’t actually deliver: less traffic on route 95.

“Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that,” Claus said, adding that spread
The Boston Accent •

Full Circle: Colleges Nationwide Now Offering Degrees In Student Loan Enforcement –

BRIDGEWATER, MA — Kim Hobbs couldn’t believe her luck as a returning Bridgewater State University sophomore when she was given the chance to switch her major to BSU’s new Student Debt Enforcement program, the fastest growing degree across student-debt-addled America.

“I used to be a criminal justice major, pre-law minor, but when I realized that law school would require $300,000 more student debt, something just clicked for me,” explained Hobbs, walking back from a seminar course called “Sallie
The Boston Accent •

Mass Residents Prepare For SnowBy Identifying Which Neighbors Will Shovel Out A Spot They Can Steal – The Boston Accent

“I actually started the winter parking hunt on Halloween by seeing which neighbors give out what,” explained Fred Ferreiro of Fall River.

“The full size candy bar givers are people that will dig out a spot, but they’ll also call the cops. I was on the lookout for people that gave out handfuls because they’re responsible enough to be stocked up but also pushovers.”
The Boston Accent •

Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box –

QUINCY—To celebrate Governor Charlie Baker’s two terms as head of the Bay State, Dunkin’ Donuts announced today the release of the “Baker’s Dozen”—13 donuts squeezed right in the middle of the box, with none of them falling too far to the right and none of them falling too far to the left.

When asked if having so many donuts stuffed square in the center would limit their appeal and overall usefulness, a Dunkin rep clarified the decision for the special.

“You’d be surprised how many people pref

Contributed To

The SNL Network •

SNL All-Time Host Draft | Superfan Takeover

In this mega edition of the Superfan Takeover, host Jon Schneider (@jonschneider24) invites Andrew Haskell (@andrewehaskell), Andrew Haynes (@snlhasacast), Bill Kenney (@BKLove73), Halle Dowden-Parrott (@oopsitshalle), Nicole Rovine (@nicolerovine), Sammy Kay (@thatsammykay) & TJ Randolph (@kingcompliment) to play the role of an SNL producer and re-book SNL hosts for Season 47 from anyone who has hosted from 1975-Present. Join us for a draft of epic proportions!

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Welcome to the official SNL Network YouTube channel, where you will see our daily coverage of all things Saturday Night Live.

Podcast hosts, journalists, and superfans get together to talk through how each episode of SNL Season 47 will be remembered compared to all eras of the show.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter and Instagram (@thesnlnetwork) and subscribe on YouTube and any place you listen to podcasts to never miss an episode!

#SNL​​​​ #saturdaynightlive #draft